Conversations with myself.

How do you keep studying when all you have been doing for the past month is study 14hrs a day?

I find that by the time I get home I am exhausted. Drained of energy; my brain forgets the simplest things. I know it is time for a break. But how do I take a break without feeling guilty? without staring at the clock, without realizing I could have just read another 5 pages in the last 20 minutes I spent eating and catching up with the world around me. It becomes a viscous cycle. I want to study. No, I need to study. I must reach my goal. What happens if I don't? Have I failed? failed what? myself? I am not sure.  I know putting this much pressure isn't healthy. After-all it's JUST a test, but then I am reminded by my subconscious: it's THE test. If I don't get the score I want on the test would all my sacrifices count for nothing? All the energy spent, money consumed, shutting out my friends (and sometimes my family - I am sorry.)... All this for what?

A dream.
Is it worth it? ...Yes. It will be.

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I felt like sharing this self-battle as I hope I am not the only one whose felt so strongly about something, someone, a dream....or anything. It's not supposed to be a pessimistic post, just a glimpse of reality.


PS. Thank you to everyone who has been endlessly supporting me with this crazy dream without questioning it - especially my family.

Haaave you met TED?

Well, have you?

I'm talking about TED talks (but I am also a fan of the show How I Met Your Mother :) ). I was home for thanksgiving this weekend -- it was amazing by the way. nothing feels better than to be surrounded by family and food :) --- and my brother & his wife brought up a TED talk they recently watched on "power posing".
Sooo apparently 2 minute of power posing a day can boost your self confidence (via an increase in testosterone), lower stress hormones (like cortisol) and change they way you are portrayed by others... Although a little skeptical on how well this actually works, the idea of changing outward behaviour to shift the way your body works is still fascinating.
watch the talk below and next time you go on a date, go for an interview or take a test, try it ...it can't hurt!