how do I...

How do I get out of my mind? over-thinking, over-doubting...

I've been saving to write a post until after our first block of exams were over. I've been back at school for 3 weeks and it's gone by incredibly fast.  The final semester. Let me repeat that, I'm in the final semester of basic sciences. I honestly still can't believe it. It doesn't feel any different from the other semesters... new classroom with some new professors and a longer class schedule but its still the same: school, home, study, sleep. Not much changed, but everyone came back with their "A game". My whole class is working like never before. Besides having 2 full courses we are also taking the Kaplan course for 2 hours per day to prepare for the big Step 1 exam. Needless to say it's  A LOT of material to keep up with.

I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't nervous for this set of exams. It's the last semester which brings on even more pressure to do well and obviously pass the exit comprehensive exam in August. I've been more motivated to study and found myself focused all the time. Deep down there was this question of can I do it? I got to this point but can I actually pass? be a doctor?

How do I get rid of these doubts? When will I start believing I can do this?

I think I will always have this doubt. But it pushes me to work harder, so maybe it's a good thing? Not sure if I am the only one feeling like this, nevertheless it worked :) I got a great start to semester 5 and it looks like I won't be going anywhere but home in August (if I keep it up).

comments are more than welcome. Have you ever experienced something like this?

PS. looking forward to some down time this weekend... possibly going snorkelling :)

The Grandest Challenge

Sitting in a Starbucks, sipping on a vanilla latte and starring at this blank computer screen. Thinking. Watching people strolling. No, not strolling walking with a purpose, in a hurry, like they need more time. That's how I know I am back in Toronto. Here I am just sitting. Being in the moment... more like lost in the moment. Lost in my own thoughts. I've been trying to reflect on 4th semester and on my break. Believe it or not this is the first time I have had a chance to just sit and write since my last blog post. I am days away from flying back to school for my last semester at Saba. Time flies. But Saba is not what I wanted to share with you in this post. I wanted to reflect on how I spent last saturday in the Library listening to a engaging talk on Global Health. (I know as soon as you read that you probably went "ugh" and thought you'd rather hear about my observerships in the OR and what I saw shadowing a plastic surgeon, an ophthalmologist and a gynaecologist/oncologist. But trust me when I say this talk was something else).  It was called "The grandest challenge" and consisted of 8 speakers: Dr. James Orbinski, Dr. Peter Singer, Dr. Samantha Nutt, Dr. Abdallah Daar, Dr. James Maskalyk and Stephen Lewis. Each speaker reflected on their personal experiences and told stories.

Stories: make us who we are. They change us and choose us. - James Orbinski

Global Health has always been an interest of mine. What is it?... well, it's everything. From the social determinants to financial planning and innovation. The definition is both focused and encompassing due to the nature of the intercalation of the health spectrum. Finances, policies, supplies, transportation, access - these all contribute to the overall health of a population. And that's what this talk really emphasized.

I have never been the person who opens a newspaper and goes straight to the politics section. Actually, I probably have never read the political section in any newspaper (I am embarrassed to even admit that but it is the truth).This past saturday made me realized how much of an impact politics has on healthcare, especially in developing and war-torn countries. In places like Sudan and the Democratic Republic of Congo, politics is everything - it won't matter if you have the resources and personnel to help maternal health if you cannot get into the country. I have become more aware that participating in Doctors Without Borders deals with these issues all the time (even though they are a politically neutral organization). And as a doctor, the more you know and understand the history of the country, the better you will be able to relate with your patients and those you will be working with. As a result, I have made myself a promise to pick a country every 2-4weeks and spend time learning about it. Challenge myself to become interested in politics and history and make the connections between them and healthcare.

An example Dr. Nutt gave was that of mining areas in the Democratic Republic of Congo and the incidence of women raped. When these two maps were plotted and superimposed in 2009, you see an astonishing positive correlation... this is how it was discovered that the military personnel around the mines were raping women and then cutting the soles of their feet, from heel to toe, to mark them. Doctors would treat these women day after day but the women refused to reveal what had happened. 

In any case, Saturday was eye-opening and made me think which, I think, was one of the goals of hosting the talk. I hear they will be running it on TVO, I can't express how much I recommend everyone watch it!

some quotes that stuck with me:

"Do what you CAN do"

"Resilient people, resilient planet." (also the name of a report by the UN.)

"The definition of trying is having the will to fail in order to succeed"

(Video from Dr. James Maskalyk's blog on his experience in Sudan with MSF.)