Everyone should travel

I sit by a wood burning fire place with a cup of hot tea and spanish guitar music playing in the background, I am atop a mountain overlooking the city of Otavalo in Ecuador. This is the last stop of my 2 month traveling extravaganza and I have decided that everyone should travel.

why, you ask?

why not!?!

In the last 2 months I have developed memories, have had experiences, listened to stories of locals and fellow traveler, learned about and stepped foot on historical places, have had spiritual moments and times of inward reflection in churches and temples alike, rode elephants, slept in a hill tribe village,.... the list seems to be never-ending. But what I loved the most was meeting strangers. As silly as that sounds it was one of the best parts of my travels. Connecting with people from around the world and listening to their own experiences and what path they had taken to get to that specific moment was just fascinating. I realized how much I do not know and how much I have yet to experience and learn about the world, about how people live and think. Once I started talking to others it become evermore clear that we all tend to get stuck into a daily routine and forget to stop, observe, contemplate and breathe. We, myself included, start making excuses for not being able to travel. I met so many people of all ages (18 - 75) that had quit their job or took a 'gap year' or simply moved to a different country and just travelled while working random jobs along the way. I felt myself become jealous of those 'free spirits' - no plans, just living in the present and being open to new cultures and ways of life. Now, yes, it does take a certain type of person to be able to do that and I think I can be one of those people as a short term (1-3 years) plan because I believe I will miss world of academia and the challenges and type of learning that comes with it.

My trip was nothing short of spectacular and here are a couple of pictures to take you through my journeys, memories, and learnings.

Lahu Hill Tribe hike overnight
accommodations in a hand built bamboo hut.

the day I got blessed by a monk.
Such a special temple in northern Thailand

Lahu Hill Tribe 2 Day Hike, thailand

Monkey sanctuary in Bali

 

Ko Phi Phi Island, Thailand.

Sunrise hike up Mt Batur, one of Indonesia's active volcanoes.

Mt. Batur, Bali, Indonesia. 

the moment I officially became a doctor!

Unbelievably grateful for my parents' never ending support and encouragement through this journey.

Unless

A little inspiration to get the wheels turning for this evening.

I just watched this TedTalk tonight and funny enough I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately with applications to residency around the corner.
There has always been that question lingering in the air when I talk to others about what residency specialty I have picked; that question? It is the one I always expect to get asked. "how hectic is the lifestyle?". Yet what they really want to ask is "will you have time for a family?" Unfortunately I have noticed that question gets asked a lot more toward the female medical students rather than the male - especially when their answer consists of a surgical specialty. I understand the concern but if you listened to the above talk you will already know what I am trying to get at...

Unless.

Why can't it be a package where you have a great career working alongside what you are passionate of rather than having to chose between lifestyle and career? Im not saying it is easy. But if life was easy and decision making was straightforward, what would be the point in having interests and passions?

Can it be done?
Can you have a great career AND be a great parent AND a great friend AND a great spouse?

No.

Unless you find your passion and try to not be afraid.

Thank you, Larry Smith, for being so blunt.
would love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this....

On Losing, Time and Finding a way back

This is going to be a tremendously difficult one to write.

On Losing...

What becomes of a person when they are gone? Their memories stay within those lives they have touched. The life around them, that, unfortunately, does not stop. Everything keeps going. The bed is made. The night table holds their glass of water. Their reading glasses atop that unfinished crossword puzzle; the one they set their mind on finishing later that night. Only, now, it is two nights later. The crossword puzzle remains unfinished and the glass of water, is half full. Yes, half full, because half empty is too much to handle for right now... My glass will always try and be half full... The one bedroom apartment looks exactly like I remembered it. The bookcase of classic novels, poetry and art books. Pictures, neatly, splattered on the shelves as proof of their travels. Familiar faces all smiling back at me. It all felt the same, like they were about to walk in the door. Only that didn't happen; it really didn't feel the same because the people who walked in were in fact family, but there were no smiles. Only sadness and disbelief in their eyes reflecting back my own emotions. The hugs were never-ending, the conversations began with "remember when...." and there was never a shortage of food because that was their way of taking care of us. And it was nice to be taken care of when other things were on my mind. I looked over at my family and how we had come together once again, how nice it was to see everyone in Romania after 10 years of being away - although I would've given anything to not see them under these circumstances. I had flashbacks on the strength and resilience of my grandmother and the calmness wisdom of my grandfather and pushed through the emotions. A strong link to keep pulling my family forward towards a new day... one that seems so far away, one that I am sure has sunshine and smiling faces, one that I do not want to come just yet because that means all of this - the passing of my grandparents - is in fact reality. And yet we have no choice but to move on. I want time to stand still. To stand still last summer, when I was home for a weekend from clerkships and they were in Canada. The last time I hugged them, the last time I experienced my grandmother's amazing cooking and the last time I sat down with my grandfather and showed him how to work his new laptop. Those memories are the ones that bring an ever slight curve back on my lips.


It has been 3 months since I've been back and life has hurriedly put me back on course. I am finishing up my 4th year elective clerkships and am writing my last exams before applications for residency begins. I cannot believe that the time has almost come and graduation is around the corner. Although I feel that this has been a long enough road. I will write on my elective experiences and application process soon.

I needed the time off to gather my thoughts.
Time to find my way back from Romania, time to find my way back from the loss. I cherish to have been so lucky to be close to all four of my grandparents and am unfortunate to have to experience their loss all within a couple years.

They are all together now.

sincerely,
IDL

midnight thoughts

I went to my first hot yoga class in a very very long time. Before starting clinical rotations I become an avid yogi - I will even admit I became addicted to the 'high' of relaxation and clearing your mind... and the excessive sweating of course. Something about it just cleanses you.

Recently I have been more tired than usual. I guess that's what happens when you work 6 days a week for 6 months, move from city to city trying to temporarily settle down and call the place your home - oh, study and write exams in your spare time as well. I have not had a break from clinical rotations and my mind/ body are taking the toll. Don't get me wrong! I am loving clerkships. Being in the hospital and interacting with patients is inexplicably amazing. I always leave with a smile on my face at the end of the day - even if I grumble getting out of bed at 5:30am everyday.
My point is this: rotations are tiring.
Learning is on overload all day, every day. And your body needs more than 5 hours of sleep at some point. Right?

So I decided it was time for yoga again. The class I went to was amazing and challenging. Not just on my body but on my mind. You reach a point in that hour and a half where you regret going... not because you are not enjoying it but because you start thinking I could've done so much more with the time I spent in this class. I noticed myself constantly having to push these thoughts out of my head and put effort into 'being in the moment'. At the end of the class the teacher ended with something that really resonated with me so I thought I'd pass the message along.

She said: "Take the time to think back to this past hour and a half. Think about what the others in the class have accomplished. Send the praise and compliments to the centre of the room so that everyone can feel the positive energy.... breathe. Now, take a moment and think about your own practice. Pay attention to what first comes to mind. Now push those thoughts of 'I could've tried harder. I could've done better. I could've stood stiller.' out of your head. Why is it that when we think of our own practice we criticize but when we think of the others around us we praise them on their hard work. We should treat ourselves with the same kindness that we allow ourself to treat others."

She was right. My first thought was I should've been more mentally present during the practice. I should've stopped thinking about what I need to study...
We are our own toughest critic. I have always noticed that about myself. So from now on I will be (trying) setting a goal to be content with my results or performances, because, at that particular time, I know I gave it my all.

So, please, take the time to stop and think. Think about how you would praise others for their efforts. Now say that about yourself. Be happy with your accomplishments.

namaste.

Accepting the inevitable

I haven't posted in a while, but I would like to get back into it very soon. I am almost done my psychiatry rotation... much has happened so with a little more motivation and time management I will stop to reflect in the next couple of days.

...For now I wanted to share this particular video by Dr. Alejandro Jadad (with whom I've had the great pleasure of working with). He touches on such a simple idea, yet it is unbelievably thought provoking. I took the time to watch and then spent a good portion of my night trying to wrap my mind around it. Mortality. Yes, we all know that we do not live forever but do we take life for granted if/when we are younger? Can we ever reach that state of acceptance he talks about? Are we ever going to be completely happy that we have done everything we wanted to?



Dr. Alejandro Jadad | Acceptance from Maysie on Vimeo.


Just some food for thought to start the week off right :)

PS. sorry to those who have posted comments recently. I will get to answering them this week... promise!

A self-reminder

2013 has started out strong, for a lack of a better word, for my family... It has shown me how we can always pull through when we think we cannot and that we are always there for each other during difficult times. In light of this I would like to post a poem by Octavian Paler. (a Romanian writer and poet). My mom introduced me to this poem after my grandmother passed away a couple years ago. Although its quite lengthy, it helped me stay grounded and remind myself of the important things in life.
I hope it touches someone else too.



We have timeby Octavian Paler

We have time for everything:to sleep, to run from one place to another,
to regret having mistaken and to mistake again,
to judge the others and to forgive ourselves,
we have time for reading and writing, for making corrections to our texts, to regret ever having written,
we have time to make plans and never respect them, we have time to make illusions and gamble through their ashes later on.

We have time for ambitions and illnesses, to blame it all on fate and details,

we have time to watch the clouds, advertisements or some ordinary accident,

we have time to chase our wonders away and to postpone the answers,

we have time to break a dream to pieces and then to reinvent it,

we have time to make friends - and lose them,we have time to learn our lessons and then forget them quickly afterwards, 

we have time to be given gifts and not understand them.

We have time for them all.

But there is no time for just a drop of tenderness.

When we are about to get to that too – we die.

I have learned some things during my lifetime, experiences that I am now sharing with you.

I have learned that you cannot make somebody love you;

All you can do is be the beloved one.

Everything else, depends on the others.

I have learned that no matter how much I might care,

Others might not care at all.

I have learned that it could take years to earn somebody’s confidence

And only a few seconds to lose it.

I have learned that it is not WHAT you have in life,

But WHO is there for you to have.

I have learned that charm could be of use for only about 15 minutes,

Afterwards, you better know something.

I have learned that you should never compare yourself to what others can do better than you, 

but with what you can do yourself;

I have learned that what happens to the others is not as important as what I can do to help;

I have learned that in whatever way you might cut things,

They will always turn out to have two sides;

I have learned that when you have to depart from your dearest ones, you should do it with the warmest words;

It could be the last time you see them.

I have learned that you could carry on for a long time

After stating you cannot take it any longer;

I have learned that heroes are those who do what is right, when they ought to, regardless of the consequences;

I have learned that there are people who love you

But do not know how to show it;

I have learned that when I am upset I have the RIGHT to be so

But I do not have the right to be mean as well;

I have learned that true friendship continues to exist even when great distances are involved

And that goes for true love too.

I have learned that, if somebody does not love you the way you might want to be loved,

It does not mean they do not love you with all their heart.

I have learned that no matter how good a friend might be to you,

They will inevitably hurt you from time to time

And you will have to forgive;

I have learned that it is not always enough to be forgiven by others,

Sometimes you must learn how to forgive your own self;

I have learned that, regardless of how much you might suffer,

The world will never cease running because of your pain.

I have learned that the past and circumstances could alter your personality,

But it is certainly YOU to be held responsible for what you become;

I have learned that, if two people argue, it does not mean they do not love each other,

As well as their arguing would not prove that they are not in love.

I have learned that you should sometimes put a person in first place

And not their deeds;

I have learned that two persons could be watching the very same thing

And perceive two totally different meanings;

I have learned that, in spite of any consequences,

Those who are fair and honest with themselves reach higher peaks in life;

I have learned that one’s life could be changed in only a few hours’ time

By people who might have never even known them;

I have learned that when you believe there is nothing more you could offer,

You will always find the strength to help a friend who is in need.

I have learned that writing,

Just like speaking,

Could soothe your inner pain.

I have learned that the ones you hold dearest

Are taken away from you far too soon…

I have learned that it is far too difficult to realize

Where to draw the borders between kindness, not hurting the other and firmly sustaining your ideas.

I have learned to love

In order to be loved in my turn.

What would you do?

Came across this video today and got me thinking how a society would change if money wasn't a controlling factor in being able to survive...

Take some time out of your day, watch the video and then ask yourself: would you be working towards the same goal as you are now? Would you spend your day doing the same thing? if not, is there some way to incorporate that passion into your life now?

I know it isn't that simple, but just think about it.

Haaave you met TED?

Well, have you?

I'm talking about TED talks (but I am also a fan of the show How I Met Your Mother :) ). I was home for thanksgiving this weekend -- it was amazing by the way. nothing feels better than to be surrounded by family and food :) --- and my brother & his wife brought up a TED talk they recently watched on "power posing".
Sooo apparently 2 minute of power posing a day can boost your self confidence (via an increase in testosterone), lower stress hormones (like cortisol) and change they way you are portrayed by others... Although a little skeptical on how well this actually works, the idea of changing outward behaviour to shift the way your body works is still fascinating.
watch the talk below and next time you go on a date, go for an interview or take a test, try it ...it can't hurt!

Space

Study spaces can make or break your flow of concentration and productivity... This is my new space :)

Another thought I wanted to blog about tonight sprung from another one of David Allen's post I read recently. (for those who are new to the blog and don't know who he is check THIS post).

Have you ever sat on a bus or were driving in the car when you randomly remember that you need to replace that one light bulb in the house? or that you really need to call up an old friend? This week David Allen brought up something he calls 'mindsweeping' - a way to de-bulk your mind of all short term memory tasks. 

so what is mindsweeping?

He describes it as making 'to do' lists of things you need to get done - those things you always say you are going to remember to do when you get home... but in all seriousness we ALL forget to replace that one light bulb. I tend to always forget those things that aren't of persisting importance and they don't really affect my immediate life. However, they 'bulk up' your mind of short term memory jargon that you could really do without. solution? Making lists according to a time line (not when to get them done but how long the action will take to do) it is supposed to clarify and organize your mind... that way you can stop reminding yourself of all the little 'to dos'. I've actually been doing this as part of my studying routine without knowing what it was termed; but I think David Allen was referring to do this in all aspects of life. Yes, you MAY end up with 20 post it notes on your wall, all categorized and colour coded. And, yes, you MAY look like a crazy person when people come and visit ... BUT I think you will feel organized and mentally "lighter". At least that is the goal.

I'm going to start this on the weekend; dare you to do so too - and then leave a comment to let me know if you found it helpful.

"rule your mind or it will rule you" - Horace

"Play me, I'm yours"

Ahhh! Such a cool idea!
If you haven't heard about it here is the short version...
41 artist painted pianos are placed in random spots around Toronto as a engaging art exhibit!! It is to mark the countdown to the 2015 Pan American Games and to celebrate art from various cultures. Each piano is designed by an artist picked to represent the 41 countries participating in the games.

Nicaragua, Paul Conlan

 I am so jealous I am not in Toronto to witness it but I hope people take advantage and start outdoor concerts. It would be so uplifting and awesome to witness everyday people sitting down and showcasing their talents.

here is the link to the article. If you are in Toronto, go searching for these pianos!

Cayman Islands, Paul Chin

- I wish they would do projects like these more often... it could get kids inspired (and away from video games :) )

+

Coincidently,  I came across the Rio+20 UN Conference on Sustainable Development tonight... ties in great with my post below. Click on the banner to check it out. Don't forget to put in your vote!

The Grandest Challenge

Sitting in a Starbucks, sipping on a vanilla latte and starring at this blank computer screen. Thinking. Watching people strolling. No, not strolling walking with a purpose, in a hurry, like they need more time. That's how I know I am back in Toronto. Here I am just sitting. Being in the moment... more like lost in the moment. Lost in my own thoughts. I've been trying to reflect on 4th semester and on my break. Believe it or not this is the first time I have had a chance to just sit and write since my last blog post. I am days away from flying back to school for my last semester at Saba. Time flies. But Saba is not what I wanted to share with you in this post. I wanted to reflect on how I spent last saturday in the Library listening to a engaging talk on Global Health. (I know as soon as you read that you probably went "ugh" and thought you'd rather hear about my observerships in the OR and what I saw shadowing a plastic surgeon, an ophthalmologist and a gynaecologist/oncologist. But trust me when I say this talk was something else).  It was called "The grandest challenge" and consisted of 8 speakers: Dr. James Orbinski, Dr. Peter Singer, Dr. Samantha Nutt, Dr. Abdallah Daar, Dr. James Maskalyk and Stephen Lewis. Each speaker reflected on their personal experiences and told stories.

Stories: make us who we are. They change us and choose us. - James Orbinski

Global Health has always been an interest of mine. What is it?... well, it's everything. From the social determinants to financial planning and innovation. The definition is both focused and encompassing due to the nature of the intercalation of the health spectrum. Finances, policies, supplies, transportation, access - these all contribute to the overall health of a population. And that's what this talk really emphasized.

I have never been the person who opens a newspaper and goes straight to the politics section. Actually, I probably have never read the political section in any newspaper (I am embarrassed to even admit that but it is the truth).This past saturday made me realized how much of an impact politics has on healthcare, especially in developing and war-torn countries. In places like Sudan and the Democratic Republic of Congo, politics is everything - it won't matter if you have the resources and personnel to help maternal health if you cannot get into the country. I have become more aware that participating in Doctors Without Borders deals with these issues all the time (even though they are a politically neutral organization). And as a doctor, the more you know and understand the history of the country, the better you will be able to relate with your patients and those you will be working with. As a result, I have made myself a promise to pick a country every 2-4weeks and spend time learning about it. Challenge myself to become interested in politics and history and make the connections between them and healthcare.

An example Dr. Nutt gave was that of mining areas in the Democratic Republic of Congo and the incidence of women raped. When these two maps were plotted and superimposed in 2009, you see an astonishing positive correlation... this is how it was discovered that the military personnel around the mines were raping women and then cutting the soles of their feet, from heel to toe, to mark them. Doctors would treat these women day after day but the women refused to reveal what had happened. 

In any case, Saturday was eye-opening and made me think which, I think, was one of the goals of hosting the talk. I hear they will be running it on TVO, I can't express how much I recommend everyone watch it!

some quotes that stuck with me:

"Do what you CAN do"

"Resilient people, resilient planet." (also the name of a report by the UN.)

"The definition of trying is having the will to fail in order to succeed"

(Video from Dr. James Maskalyk's blog on his experience in Sudan with MSF.) 

Life on Saba... in 1937

Found this short documentary about the life on Saba in 1937. The island looks stunningly similar to 65 years ago! Pretty cool.

Post block wave of joy

2nd round of exams are over! I was pretty happy overall ... really glad to see that my 16hr days of studying are paying off :) It really feels good to see some results (unlike third semester).

after exams a bunch of us went to spend the rest of the night at Well's Bay (the place where Saba actually gets a sandy beach when the tide is low... I have yet to see this miracle beach!). We had a BBQ, a couple of beers and a breathtaking view of the sunset with rolling waves. Pretty awesome way to spend the day after 3 exams.

if I went to a canadian medical school I would definitely not be able to see this... isolated islands have their perks, don't you think? 

:)

Speechless

I loved last weekend. I felt the surge of curiosity and pure joy of exploring new places. I was left speechless...

My friends and I decided to take the challenge of climbing Mount. Scenery, a potentially active volcano and the highest peak in the Netherland Antillies Islands. It is one of Saba's tourist attractions and now I know why. 2877 feet up in the sky - literally - you can see the whole island of Saba and if you are lucky to get to the top when the clouds have cleared you can even see St. Eustacius, a near by island.

 starting our hike in the morning and we see this sign... only 1064 steps :)

 We came across some orange trees early in the hike. I decided to put my childhood tree climbing skills to use and get some fresh oranges for the road (thanks big brother for perfecting those when I was little!). They were pretty tasty, although my friends weren't too fond of them - I guess I'm not a picky eater OR I was just too excited to be spending time outside of the library

The actual trail to Mount Scenery was half under construction so we ended taking 'Bud's Mountain' back around to the Bottom village until we reached the mount scenery trail again... downfall of all this? Bud's mountain was sooo muddy.

This was on the Bud's Mountain trail looking up at Mount Scenery. Our goal? that tower in the distance at the very top of the mountain. The weather wasn't looking so promising at this point but we were all glad it wasn't fully sunny for the way up - it was hot enough!

It's funny though, I somehow still got a tan. Yay! UV radiation through the clouds. haha

We reached the rainforest/jungle part by this point. It made me feel so small. It was nice to be able to be part of nature again... its something about the smell of fresh vegetation and dirt.

You can see how high we were by now... almost in the clouds

...and the dreaded steps began...

and didn't end until the very top. Our thighs got a very good workout!

up in the clouds now :)

Climbing the last stretch to the highest point. This was the funnest part :)

 we made it! Mike was ecstatic 

.. and then it started to clear up and it was an unbelievable view

my hiking partner, Simi, and I enjoying our accomplishment. Climb Mount Scenery? Check.

Great spot for reflection and taking in nature's beauty. I will have to do this again before I leave the island

 the green lushes of saba. It is quite beautiful

back in the muddy trail on our way back down. Ankle deep. Mud is good for the skin, no?

we took the shorter, but under construction path back down because we started slipping (*cough* Mike *cough*) going back down. It was a fun route, trying not to fall through the cracks.

we made it back down and we were ready for some food!

So... if I haven't convinced you that I loved our hike last weekend here is a video I took at the very top.  

... I hope you are now packing your bags. Be adventurous.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain