midnight thoughts

I went to my first hot yoga class in a very very long time. Before starting clinical rotations I become an avid yogi - I will even admit I became addicted to the 'high' of relaxation and clearing your mind... and the excessive sweating of course. Something about it just cleanses you.

Recently I have been more tired than usual. I guess that's what happens when you work 6 days a week for 6 months, move from city to city trying to temporarily settle down and call the place your home - oh, study and write exams in your spare time as well. I have not had a break from clinical rotations and my mind/ body are taking the toll. Don't get me wrong! I am loving clerkships. Being in the hospital and interacting with patients is inexplicably amazing. I always leave with a smile on my face at the end of the day - even if I grumble getting out of bed at 5:30am everyday.
My point is this: rotations are tiring.
Learning is on overload all day, every day. And your body needs more than 5 hours of sleep at some point. Right?

So I decided it was time for yoga again. The class I went to was amazing and challenging. Not just on my body but on my mind. You reach a point in that hour and a half where you regret going... not because you are not enjoying it but because you start thinking I could've done so much more with the time I spent in this class. I noticed myself constantly having to push these thoughts out of my head and put effort into 'being in the moment'. At the end of the class the teacher ended with something that really resonated with me so I thought I'd pass the message along.

She said: "Take the time to think back to this past hour and a half. Think about what the others in the class have accomplished. Send the praise and compliments to the centre of the room so that everyone can feel the positive energy.... breathe. Now, take a moment and think about your own practice. Pay attention to what first comes to mind. Now push those thoughts of 'I could've tried harder. I could've done better. I could've stood stiller.' out of your head. Why is it that when we think of our own practice we criticize but when we think of the others around us we praise them on their hard work. We should treat ourselves with the same kindness that we allow ourself to treat others."

She was right. My first thought was I should've been more mentally present during the practice. I should've stopped thinking about what I need to study...
We are our own toughest critic. I have always noticed that about myself. So from now on I will be (trying) setting a goal to be content with my results or performances, because, at that particular time, I know I gave it my all.

So, please, take the time to stop and think. Think about how you would praise others for their efforts. Now say that about yourself. Be happy with your accomplishments.

namaste.