footsteps & a beating heart.

"Burnt out"

These are words well known in the vocabulary of Saba students. It usually happens after the 3rd set of exams. Your body starts shutting down; your brain is not switched on anymore. You are in a daze all the time, just staring at the professor with that dumbfounded look. All you want to do is sleep. All you can think of is sleep. Sleep.

Instead of sleeping after these past exams I pushed myself to go for a run. I was so tired coming out of the exam centre but I knew I felt too jittery to sleep. Residual agitation and stress kept my body wired. As tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. Does that even make sense? Too tired to sleep? Is that even possible?
So I told myself that a short run will help me clear my mind, make me physically tired and allow "the crash". It was bound to happen. Crashing (aka very long naps and blankly watching tv shows) had to happen for me to be able to go to class the next day. I didn't even take my ipod on my run since it was going to be short...

I started running my usual route. Went up the massive hill, took a few minutes to take in the view of the sunset over the water. It was so quite; nothing around. All you could hear were the leaves blowing in a soft wind with that fresh water smell - you know, that smell you get in the spring when everything is in bloom after a long winter? it was THAT kind of fresh smell. Invigorating. I headed  back down the hill  at a steady speed, reached the last hill before entering back into the village of 'the bottom' and going home...and I find myself turning around and going back up the hill. My mind was clear and all my body wanted to do was run. No music, just me, my footsteps and heart beat. It was then I remember why I loved running so much. (I haven't stopped running, but it definitely has been cut out of my schedule much more than I wanted to... sacrifices for studying were needed). I ended up running double my usual distance. I didn't even know I had it in me (probably around 5km... with hills it seems much longer).  That last hill was in sight for the second time I felt like I could do another lap but decided I should stop - I hadn't had much to eat and after 3 exams I knew I must be exhausted. As I got home and took a nap I kept wondering what had kept me going for such a long distance... all I could come up with was stress. Running was my outlet, letting go of all the anxiety of exams: did I study enough? did I study the right way? will I do well? All these questions rush through your head as you enter that exam centre. There's no way of stopping the flood of nerves through your body.


Running is my outlet, what is yours?