A self-reminder

2013 has started out strong, for a lack of a better word, for my family... It has shown me how we can always pull through when we think we cannot and that we are always there for each other during difficult times. In light of this I would like to post a poem by Octavian Paler. (a Romanian writer and poet). My mom introduced me to this poem after my grandmother passed away a couple years ago. Although its quite lengthy, it helped me stay grounded and remind myself of the important things in life.
I hope it touches someone else too.



We have timeby Octavian Paler

We have time for everything:to sleep, to run from one place to another,
to regret having mistaken and to mistake again,
to judge the others and to forgive ourselves,
we have time for reading and writing, for making corrections to our texts, to regret ever having written,
we have time to make plans and never respect them, we have time to make illusions and gamble through their ashes later on.

We have time for ambitions and illnesses, to blame it all on fate and details,

we have time to watch the clouds, advertisements or some ordinary accident,

we have time to chase our wonders away and to postpone the answers,

we have time to break a dream to pieces and then to reinvent it,

we have time to make friends - and lose them,we have time to learn our lessons and then forget them quickly afterwards, 

we have time to be given gifts and not understand them.

We have time for them all.

But there is no time for just a drop of tenderness.

When we are about to get to that too – we die.

I have learned some things during my lifetime, experiences that I am now sharing with you.

I have learned that you cannot make somebody love you;

All you can do is be the beloved one.

Everything else, depends on the others.

I have learned that no matter how much I might care,

Others might not care at all.

I have learned that it could take years to earn somebody’s confidence

And only a few seconds to lose it.

I have learned that it is not WHAT you have in life,

But WHO is there for you to have.

I have learned that charm could be of use for only about 15 minutes,

Afterwards, you better know something.

I have learned that you should never compare yourself to what others can do better than you, 

but with what you can do yourself;

I have learned that what happens to the others is not as important as what I can do to help;

I have learned that in whatever way you might cut things,

They will always turn out to have two sides;

I have learned that when you have to depart from your dearest ones, you should do it with the warmest words;

It could be the last time you see them.

I have learned that you could carry on for a long time

After stating you cannot take it any longer;

I have learned that heroes are those who do what is right, when they ought to, regardless of the consequences;

I have learned that there are people who love you

But do not know how to show it;

I have learned that when I am upset I have the RIGHT to be so

But I do not have the right to be mean as well;

I have learned that true friendship continues to exist even when great distances are involved

And that goes for true love too.

I have learned that, if somebody does not love you the way you might want to be loved,

It does not mean they do not love you with all their heart.

I have learned that no matter how good a friend might be to you,

They will inevitably hurt you from time to time

And you will have to forgive;

I have learned that it is not always enough to be forgiven by others,

Sometimes you must learn how to forgive your own self;

I have learned that, regardless of how much you might suffer,

The world will never cease running because of your pain.

I have learned that the past and circumstances could alter your personality,

But it is certainly YOU to be held responsible for what you become;

I have learned that, if two people argue, it does not mean they do not love each other,

As well as their arguing would not prove that they are not in love.

I have learned that you should sometimes put a person in first place

And not their deeds;

I have learned that two persons could be watching the very same thing

And perceive two totally different meanings;

I have learned that, in spite of any consequences,

Those who are fair and honest with themselves reach higher peaks in life;

I have learned that one’s life could be changed in only a few hours’ time

By people who might have never even known them;

I have learned that when you believe there is nothing more you could offer,

You will always find the strength to help a friend who is in need.

I have learned that writing,

Just like speaking,

Could soothe your inner pain.

I have learned that the ones you hold dearest

Are taken away from you far too soon…

I have learned that it is far too difficult to realize

Where to draw the borders between kindness, not hurting the other and firmly sustaining your ideas.

I have learned to love

In order to be loved in my turn.

A Good Start :)

The holiday season wraps up and 2013 begins...

Oh how I have missed spending time with family and being able to fully relax. I wrote the USMLE Step 1 a month ago, received my mark last week ( I PASSED :) ) and then proceeded to sleep 16 hours straight! I didn't realize how anxious and stressed I was until I had finally got the much anticipated email. The studying paid off and I am happy to have started 2013 on such a good note! 

I am currently working on a research paper (one of Saba's new requirements before starting clinical rotations) - the only thing standing in the way of me being in the hospital.

Being home is great, seeing family was wonderful but I noticed everyone has the same question for me "what type of doctor do you want to be?". Such a hard question to answer. If you asked me this 2 years ago I would've said one of two things: Surgeon or ophthalmologist. It was an easy answer. Now? not so much. Ophthalmology is ridiculously competitive, and I'm trying to be realistic. Surgery still sounds appealing - except for those dreaded hours and the fact that I would be spending the rest of my life in the hospital. The one thing I realized about myself in the last two years living on Saba was that I love to live a balanced life. I love to be outdoors, to hike, to go diving, to enjoy a nice meal. I love to always be active. I was never happy when I had to study 24/7 and never leave my house. Of course, there is always a trade off and there are times where you need to do it. I was alway more productive after a workout. So to sum up my ramblings... I don't know if the surgery lifestyle would fit with what I know makes me happy. I'm still going to keep an open mind to surgery because I think I will still like it but I think I will also be interested in Obsetrics/gynecology and paediatrics. 

My friend found a medical specialty aptitude test from Virginia School of Medicine (click here to try it).  It's based off of 130 questions relating to your personality. Below are my top 20 ... I think there was something wrong with the 1st choice. Radiology? me? No thanks, I like being around people. Other than that the choices were interesting :)

Hope everyone had a great christmas and new year celebration! Good luck to those going back/starting Saba! Looking forward to being an active blogger once again with the upcoming excitement of clinical rotations.

What would you do?

Came across this video today and got me thinking how a society would change if money wasn't a controlling factor in being able to survive...

Take some time out of your day, watch the video and then ask yourself: would you be working towards the same goal as you are now? Would you spend your day doing the same thing? if not, is there some way to incorporate that passion into your life now?

I know it isn't that simple, but just think about it.

Rumors

I haven't been back online in a while because of studying for Step 1 but I do continue to follow the activity on the blog as best as I can. Unfortunately, recent comments on this blog seem to be focused more on Saba's credibility rather than responses to my journey. This has led me to make the decision to monitor comments. I've been trying to let this space be an open forum and not delete any comments received however, this blog is supposed to be about sharing my experiences on going to medical school in the caribbean and hopefully help those who are in the same predicament I was two years ago. I do not want to be spending my time debating which rumors are true or how good of a school Saba really is.
I have decided that I will be deleting any comments regarding the credibility of Saba University or of any rumors going around... Everyone has their own opinion and experience. Sometimes a caribbean medical school is the only option you have left. And if that is the only way to do what you have dreamt of doing all your life, then that is the road you will have to take.

So, please, for any discussions on credibility, rumors, attrition rates etc go to medical school forums like valuemd.

I will still be happily answering questions about Saba, if they are appropriate. I'm sorry that it has come to this but I hope those of you who have been following my adventure continue to do so.

To end on a more positive note, here is a little inspiration for the rest of the week...

Conversations with myself.

How do you keep studying when all you have been doing for the past month is study 14hrs a day?

I find that by the time I get home I am exhausted. Drained of energy; my brain forgets the simplest things. I know it is time for a break. But how do I take a break without feeling guilty? without staring at the clock, without realizing I could have just read another 5 pages in the last 20 minutes I spent eating and catching up with the world around me. It becomes a viscous cycle. I want to study. No, I need to study. I must reach my goal. What happens if I don't? Have I failed? failed what? myself? I am not sure.  I know putting this much pressure isn't healthy. After-all it's JUST a test, but then I am reminded by my subconscious: it's THE test. If I don't get the score I want on the test would all my sacrifices count for nothing? All the energy spent, money consumed, shutting out my friends (and sometimes my family - I am sorry.)... All this for what?

A dream.
Is it worth it? ...Yes. It will be.

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I felt like sharing this self-battle as I hope I am not the only one whose felt so strongly about something, someone, a dream....or anything. It's not supposed to be a pessimistic post, just a glimpse of reality.


PS. Thank you to everyone who has been endlessly supporting me with this crazy dream without questioning it - especially my family.

Haaave you met TED?

Well, have you?

I'm talking about TED talks (but I am also a fan of the show How I Met Your Mother :) ). I was home for thanksgiving this weekend -- it was amazing by the way. nothing feels better than to be surrounded by family and food :) --- and my brother & his wife brought up a TED talk they recently watched on "power posing".
Sooo apparently 2 minute of power posing a day can boost your self confidence (via an increase in testosterone), lower stress hormones (like cortisol) and change they way you are portrayed by others... Although a little skeptical on how well this actually works, the idea of changing outward behaviour to shift the way your body works is still fascinating.
watch the talk below and next time you go on a date, go for an interview or take a test, try it ...it can't hurt!

Change

a little change in scenery on my new running route; at least the sunsets are still beautiful... although I don't know how I feel about running in the colder weather. I already miss not having to worry about what to wear when I go outside. The caribbean weather was always predictable: 30 degrees, sunny with scattered showers.

In other news my intense study schedule seems to be getting the best of me. It's been hard to be so focused all day, all the time - especially when I'm trying to fight off this cold that seems to be going around. Wish I could just take a day off to recuperate, read and not think/ feel guilty about not studying. Alright, I think I'm done venting, for now.  Ugh, back to work...

PS. Grey's Anatomy is back tonight. I'm a little excited even though I know thats not what real world 'doctor life' is like. At least I can make myself think that I am being somewhat productive since the show is about medicine; I'm sure I can learn something useful from it.

Space

Study spaces can make or break your flow of concentration and productivity... This is my new space :)

Another thought I wanted to blog about tonight sprung from another one of David Allen's post I read recently. (for those who are new to the blog and don't know who he is check THIS post).

Have you ever sat on a bus or were driving in the car when you randomly remember that you need to replace that one light bulb in the house? or that you really need to call up an old friend? This week David Allen brought up something he calls 'mindsweeping' - a way to de-bulk your mind of all short term memory tasks. 

so what is mindsweeping?

He describes it as making 'to do' lists of things you need to get done - those things you always say you are going to remember to do when you get home... but in all seriousness we ALL forget to replace that one light bulb. I tend to always forget those things that aren't of persisting importance and they don't really affect my immediate life. However, they 'bulk up' your mind of short term memory jargon that you could really do without. solution? Making lists according to a time line (not when to get them done but how long the action will take to do) it is supposed to clarify and organize your mind... that way you can stop reminding yourself of all the little 'to dos'. I've actually been doing this as part of my studying routine without knowing what it was termed; but I think David Allen was referring to do this in all aspects of life. Yes, you MAY end up with 20 post it notes on your wall, all categorized and colour coded. And, yes, you MAY look like a crazy person when people come and visit ... BUT I think you will feel organized and mentally "lighter". At least that is the goal.

I'm going to start this on the weekend; dare you to do so too - and then leave a comment to let me know if you found it helpful.

"rule your mind or it will rule you" - Horace

A little studying pick me up :)

Great song on a thursday evening! From one friend's blog to another...

Can't take credit for it, but its awesome. Hope you enjoy it too

If you like this, check out my friend's blog for more - she's just amazing when it comes to finding new music... I may be a little bit biased :)

Goodbye Saba, hello Step 1.

I haven't posted in a while. The last month has been a whirl wind. We studied like crazy for the final comprehensive exam, wrote it AND, most importantly, passed it!!!! I have officially graduated from the basic sciences program :)

Currently sitting in St. Maarten airport one last time awaiting my flight home. I have spent the last week on St. Maarten as a mini-vacation with my parents who came to visit Saba and attend my graduation. I am ready to go home... Even though I am typing this I don't think I have realized that I will not be returning to Saba. I have gotten so used to leaving the island, going home, and coming back. This time, there's no coming back. weird. Leaving Saba was bittersweet mostly because I will not be seeing some of my close friends for a while - being hopeful to  bump into them during the clinical rotations. The island is beautiful but it was time to move on.

__________________________

Aaannd that was proof that I attempted to post like 3 weeks ago.
I now have finished my vacation, moved to Hamilton and began studying for the USMLE step 1 for the next 2 months.

the fun begins.

long days of hours of studying once again... just the library and weather has changed. Not sure I like the weather change but I sure like the library! we are even allowed to have coffee and non-smelly food at our desk - makes studying so much easier when you have caffeine and sugar by your side. Oh and of course some healthy snacks...kinda. By the way, did you know there is now caffeinated chocolate bars to help you stay awake? Best of both worlds.

My study schedule is a little bit insane. I realized today that I will need to tweak it and add some nights off because I am already tired. I will definitely burn out if I study 12+ hours a day.

for those of you interested how I am studying here is a quick breakdown of my day...
7am - run (the reason why I am excited to wake up; I found a nice trail in hamilton :) )
9am - arrive at library
10am - finish 46 set of Uworld questions
10-7 - Doctors in Training course or pathoma. Lunch is somewhere in here...
7-8 - go home, make dinner, eat
8 - review the material covered that day
10-12 - review answers to question set from that morning.

sleep. wake up. repeat.
I am hoping to write by early November so keep your fingers crossed it all works out! ( I would also love to hear from those readers who have taken the Step 1. Any advice? how did you study?)

apologies for falling off the face of blogworld. I am back and have promised myself to post weekly - or at least not at 2 month intervals.

PS. September is childhood cancer awareness month. Dr. David made a great quick post - see it here and make sure you watch the video!